It is amazing how fast the kids use school as an excuse to not pick up after themselves. What will they ever do with they get a money paying job? But then again, they see their father use his work as an excuse for everything too. I'm a stay-at-home mom so it is assumed I have all day in the world to do the "dirty" work. I'm so stressed today with having so many demands, I'm not sure how spring semester will go for me. The idea is to learn, get a degree, get a job, and make money. Lots of it. But I'm wondering if it will ever happen now.
With demands outside of the home, and all of the demands within our home, it feels like I have no support for myself. I spent the entire day yesterday with a meeting related to extended family, a ton of phone calls related to caring for my own home, a ton of laundry (I am not stretching the truth on this either), cleaning a flooded utility room, running errands regarding my own home........................basically the day ended and I had no time for writing whatsoever. It doesn't mean it's the end of writing. It just means I need family support and I'm not getting any of it. It sure makes me feel worthless, abused and taken advantage of.
Yesterday, I did however, complete day 5 of reading the Bible in 90 days. I read it in between stoking the firewood, desperately trying to get a fire started again. With everyone leaving the house for school and work, not one person touched the wood burner, thus the fire went completely out. With all of my responsibilities, demands and expectations, I never did get the fire going until almost 4pm.
I often wonder if I had an office to leave to every day, if the family would not put so many expectations on me. I so often feel that the things I do, to keep the budget as low as possible, mean nothing to anyone but me.
I line dry my clothes all summer. I never use the dryer. This winter I have a retractable line, and two wooden racks to dry clothes to avoid the dryer as much as possible. I use the library, and cannot remember the last time I bought an actual book. I rotate the same two purses, and have not bought one for over a year or more. My slippers have a huge hole in the toe. I tried to buy myself a new pair yesterday but the only thing I could find was $8.00 or more and the $8 ones were white! So I am still wearing my falling apart slippers. I am the care taker of the wood burner and corn burner during the day, and pile on the clothes to avoid using the very expensive electric heat. I make sure we have extra gallons of water, so that when the pipes freeze we have water for us, the pets and the chickens. But.....does anyone care? Nope.
I wonder if I am the only writer Mom, with more than five kids, who goes through this. Some days I do not feel worthy of calling myself a writer, not having published a novel or an article in a well known magazine.
It all comes down to money. If you have it, life is great. If you don't life is miserable. Especially kids feel this way. When they can't have what they want, or even what they need. It all comes down to money. Whether my husband or kids will admit to it or not, it really boils down to money. And they detest you for it.
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